5 things I wish I knew as a virgin

Sex is something we all are interested in, yet we seem to be baffled about it. Growing up as a teen I kind of was like any other kid, in the sense that I was interested and curious about sex. But unlike most teens, I was terrified. Before losing my virginity, I was scared shitless by the prospect of it hurting. I was super stressed by the idea that something might go wrong and that I would lose control in any way. I kept thinking about how it could become an awful and embarrassing experience. And all the talk about virgins bleeding their first time didn’t really help either. To top it all, the idea of some cherry popping (literally, what cherry?!) freaked me the eff out.

And then I felt the pressure as all my peers seemingly were doing it. Was I weird for not yet having had sex? Were they secretly judging me? Was I stuck-up for not having done anything sexual yet? Could someone know just by looking at me I was a virgin? And worse yet: was I undesireable!? Oh, the teenage angst I was experiencing!

I wish I had known that:

  1. Losing your virginity does not have to hurt, at all. Being relaxed, and being with someone you trust and love, and taking your time is the golden ticket to all pain free intercourse. Including the first time. And by actually knowing the guy I lost my virginity to very well (my wonderful boyfriend at the time), it turned out to be the very best experience ever.
  2. I could have bled all over and it wouldn’t have been embarrassing, and I could have farted mid-way through. If you have a great relationship and then introduce sex, losing your virginity is really nothing to fear. It becomes an excercise in trust, and our relationship blossomed in more ways than the sexual after that.
  3. Most young people are great at bragging, but they really haven’t done half the stuff they say. Not even close. Especially guys are great at being braggarts and show-offs, without having anything to back it all up with.
  4. Not all people bleed the first time! There is no “cherry”. And there really is no way of seeing whether a vagina has been entered before or not. Tearing of the hymen can happen while riding a bike, a horse or putting in a tampon.
  5. Taking your time and choosing your partner carefully before having sex and losing your virginity is not a bad thing at all. You want to be looking back at the experience with joy, or a tthe very least not get nauseated by it. You want to be able to trust your partner. Besides, research shows that your first experience might actually influence the rest of your sex life. So take your time, don’t stress, and don’t worry.

With love,

-She

 

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